Identity Crisis

Romans 12:3-5

³ For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. ⁴ For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, ⁵ so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

"not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment"

We are not necessarily to look down on ourselves, but to recognize where our true worth, identity, and purpose comes from. Not from ourselves, but through our new lives and individual gifts given to us by the grace of Christ, through the gift of faith given to us by God to fulfill His purposes.

"we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function"
Just as the body has many parts, so do we as the Church make up the body of Christ. Unfortunately, all too often do we spend our time simply trying to identify what part of the body we make up, simply for the sake of finding our "identity."

However, if the physical hand of the natural body knows its a hand, but never serves its purpose, it's so called identity is vain. Likewise, knowing your function in the body of Christ, and yet never using it to advance the body of Christ in the direction it was designed to go, is also vain. It also hinders the function of the other members of the body, and therefore causes the overall function of the body to work insufficently.


Sadly, I too often find myself in the midst of an "identity crisis". I so badly want to find what God put me here to do, and then forget why He put me here to do it. Or using those gifts to better glorify myself instead of Him. If my gift was to encourage people, and yet all I ever did was use it to encourage those who I only cared about or even only those I thought could in some way beneffit me, I would be perverting the gift God had given me, and as a result giving a false represention of His qualities which as I claim to represent if I am indeed His follower.

I can't help but think of this verse from a current study we are doing in 2Samuel...

2Samuel 5:12
¹² And David realized that the Lord had established him as king over Israel, and that He had exalted his kingdom for the sake of His people Israel.

This is the kind of attitude I wish I could always remember to have. To have the realization that it is only because of God's establishment, and for God's purposes that God places in us the qualities and gifts He desires us to have, and then put them into practice,

Forever His,
-Sara

Roots run deep (or at least they should)

I have always had a thing for trees... as weird as I'm sure that probably sounds. I have just always had a fascination with them. Not necessarily in a nerdy I know lots of factual things about them sort of way, it's more of a... hey, looking at you, drawing you, and sitting under you brings me a strange sense of comfort sort of way. It's no wonder God would use them to help me understand certain things.

I sat in on a discussion on discipleship and growth recently. I would like to say I had a recent discussion about this... but this particular group knows I tend to listen more than I speak at our meetings and to be honest I was particularly quiet on this evening. Anywho... It really got me thinking and I just kept having a picture of a tree coming to mind. I just kept looking at it waiting for it to teach me something, and it did.Well, actually God did... What God began to teach me through that tree was rather simplistic and yet spoke a nearly audible truth into my life.

I am that tree.

The more I thought about being that "tree" the more I thought about another discussion I had recently had with others over Psalm 1.
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PSALM 1
1 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
² But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
³ He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;And in whatever he does, he prospers.

⁴ The wicked are not so,
But they are like chaff which the wind drives away.
⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
⁶ For the LorD knows the way of the righteous,But the way of the wicked will perish.
________________________________________We're all trees... but where are we planted? Where am I planted?

I started to think about these trees and so I wondered, what makes a healthy tree? Well... how you take care of it. You can't just yell at a tree all day "BE HEALTHY AND MAKE SOME FRUIT!" and honestly expect it to accomplish anything, it's just not going to work. I takes time and effort.

So then I wondered... what does it take?
Where does a tree get its health? It doesn't come from taking care of it's branches, or leaves, it comes from taking care of its roots.

Huh... roots. The interesting thought to me about roots is that it's the least seen part of the tree, and yet it has the largest effect on the rest of the tree.
Good roots = a healthy trunk
A healthy trunk = healthy branches
Healthy branches = good fruit

So I thought about it, what are my spiritual roots, and how am I caring for them? My spiritual roots are the things that aren't necessarily seen, its the time in prayer, time in the word, time in personal intimate worship with God.

It starts off with where those roots are planted to begin with.
Are they "firmly planted by streams of water" as Psalm 1:3 suggests?
Are my spiritual roots planted by streams of the living water? (John 4:10-14)

Or is it planted in some barren waste land where it's not going to be properly provided for?

What you allow yourself to be planted by, is what you are naturally going to take it. Honestly, can you picture a tree hanging out by the water just saying "no thanks I don't want any water, I'm not thirsty" ? It is naturally taking in what is around it because that is what it is designed to do.

Its the same in my spiritual life, our lives are created for worship, what we continuously surround ourselves with is what we are naturally going to take in and worship because by our very nature it is what we were designed to do. However that worship is often misdirected because we are not planted where we should be, in the living water.

Ok, back to the tree... The more water that tree takes in, the more it provides to the rest of the tree, which causes growth which causes the need for more water. Which eventually BAM! Here comes the fruit!

An interesting thought I had about the fruit of that healthy thriving tree, is that when the fruit finally falls from it, it naturally lands by the water where the first tree was planted. It doesn't have to go looking for water, it already sees it and knows that it is good because it is already obvious in the tree which it fell from.

So yep, I'm a tree. I am a tree desperate to be planted by the living water that is Christ my Savior. I want my roots to run so deep that they are not just planted by Him, but in Him. My roots don't have to be seen to know they are healthy, but it will be obvious through my growth and through the fruit which my tree bears. And as that fruit falls and a new life in Christ meets with the life that I have in Him, my tree will stand with it, and show it where that same living water can be found that made my tree stand strong. (Hebrews 13:7) and from time to time our roots will cross paths, breaking hardened soil and growing and thirsting together.


A scary thought though...
What happens to that dry thirsty tree planted in the desert?
It struggles and aches for survival... the less the roots are able to take in, the less it can give to the rest of the tree. And the less the tree grows, how likely will it be for it to bear fruit? And if by chance it does manage to drop a piece of fruit, where does it land... but there in the same desert, not sharing in the water, but fighting for it until one or both manages to die out.

So there you have it. This honestly doesn't even begin to cover my thoughts on this, but I hope you get my point. lol

Oh, and here's a picture of some roots I drew once :)

Forever His,
-Sara

Devils Hall

I went on kind of mini camping trip a while back ago. Weekends like these never quite turn out as planned, and for that I'm  thankful because then how would I end up with any interesting stories? Or lessons learned for that matter... This particular trip was to Guadalupe peak. We went up on a Sunday night and stayed at the campground. Well, we partially stayed at the campground... you see, we just take sleeping bags and sleep under the stars. However, on this particular night shortly after going to sleep under a clear starry sky, the stars decided to switch out for rain clouds and basically to make a long story short, the three of us slept (rather uncomfortably) in my car.

The real story is in the next days hike. Our attempt was to complete the Guadalupe peak trail. I had done it two other times and I was ready to roll! We started our day off with a tasty breakfast of Pb&j sandwiches and granola bars, and of course prayer... (where I very confidently asked God to teach us something through this adventure) He most definitely pulled through, and I obviously have to learn some lessons the hard way.

Just a heads up...  (we didn't make it to the top) a lot of little issues happened including just pain old exhaustion from a terrible nights sleep, one of the girls in our group kept nearly getting sick (poor thing...  think it was the altitude) and then the real problem...  somewhere along the way, we ended up on the wrong trail. After already doing this hike twice before, I feel pretty embarrassed I didn't figure it out much sooner, I think it was Because God had a lesson in mind for me.

You see, I hesitated at the point where we got on the wrong path. I knew it was possible it went the other way, but I convinced myself that the way we were going was just fine, (mostly because it simply looked easier and looked like a direction that would take us where we needed to go) Well, I was half right... it was easier (at least for the time being)  because it mostly went downhill. You can only imagine my disappointment when we reached a sign indicating we were going the wrong way. We had to turn around and go UPHILL over all the distance we had just walked. (which was a pretty lengthy distance) It wasted a lot of time, and probably resulted in the majority of our sunburns.

We still had a good time. We talked and laughed... but we never made it to our goal. I found it the most frustrating because I knew it was a goal that was achievable... but I traded it in for something (that for a moment) appeared to be easier. One of the girls had also never been to the peak before... and so I was frustrated at all the things she wasn't going to get to see because of my poor choice.

I looked at it in reflection to my own life. I wondered how often I miss out on the attainable promises I know God has given me because I've chosen to take the path that seemed "easier". I wonder how many pains I've endured so much worse than a sunburn, or sore muscles because of those same choices. Worst of all... I wondered how many people I had dragged along with me down some of those paths to miss those same promises... and endure some of those same pains because they trusted me to lead them where they should go. Talk about a painful lesson to learn...

This lesson was rubbed in all the more by the fact that the sign that indicated we were going the wrong way... also indicated that the location of the path we were going on would lead us to a place called "Devil's Hall" Yeah... I'm pretty sure God has a sense of humor. The next time I make that hike, I can almost guarantee I won't make that same mistake. The more important question is whether or not I can be as positive about that guarantee in every step I take in life.

Where am I going to go?

Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feetAnd a light to my path

Forever His,
-Sara

Defying Gravity

I finished this not that long ago... its basically about temptation I suppose you could say. Enjoy? (or not) lol

DEFYING GRAVITY 

Fighting you feels a lot like trying to fight gravity
Pushing and pulling against something I can't even see
Believing in the end you'll win
And I'll scrape and bruise this same old fleshy skin
I'm in a war against my own depravity
And its not exactly helpful when you have an addictive personality
But I'll keep trying to defy this gravity
While I keep trying to fill this hole like its some sort of cavity
Just one more time, just one more time around
Even though I'm sick and dizzy
Let me climb on just one more time...
Just like that kid who just threw up climbs right back on that Merry go round
He knows he's just going to keep falling back down
We think that kid is crazy when he tries to justify that bloody knee
When he kicks and screams
PLEASE ONE MORE TIME
its worth those few moments I feel free
Is it really worth it?
Is it really worth those scars you're going to get...
When you jump right off that cliff and land yourself deep down in that pit
Its awfully dark inside that pit
And I know that by myself its just to deep to pull myself back out of it
Maybe if I'd ask for help...
Even just a little bit ...
But I'll sit back and close my mouth pretending I can handle it
Even make jokes about how I'm probably to legit to quit
Maybe I just need to learn a little better self control.
Do I really need to let more people see what's going on inside this skull ?
I think I'm just a bit too scared to make myself that vulnerable.
When am I going to start trusting when you say there's no temptation I can't get through?
And take what's written in your word and see it for its value?
When will I see the lust of these eyes, the lust  of this flesh, and this boastful pride is what I've come to cling to?
When am I going to realize that what I do to me, I do to you?
And with every attempt I make to satisfy this flesh in me,
I put those nails right back through your hands and put you right back on that tree
Amazing love how can it be?
I mean really...
Because I'll never understand why you would ever choose to love a whore like me
Selling myself out to every man-made fantasy
Cheapening your divinity
With my continuous impurity
Just trying to ease my ever growing insecurity
That's the beauty of grace you see...
Its not a matter of what I can do for you,
But while I was still a sinner Christ died for me
But should I keep on sinning so that grace can abound all the more?
If that's the case than that grace is going to be overflowing all over the floor
Go and SIN NO MORE
I think is a concept  we've come to disregard
Or at least its one we've misconstrued until its more like...

Go... and try real hard
I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect!
That's what I claim to be
As if my imperfection is any kind of exception of who I choose to be
But instead of claiming what I'm not
I need to proclaim who Christ is inside of me
He's not of this world
The very solution to this gravity
My only hope to gain any stability
For he's called me to live as a child of the light
Who has an already decided victory
In an all to real fight

Here are just a few of the verses I referenced:

1Corinthians 10:13
1John 2:16
Hebrews 6:6
Romans 5:8
Romans 6:1
John 8:11
John 17:16

Dirt under the rug

I had the opportunity to sit with a group of people the other day and we simply sat and took turns answering each others questions. Things like "what was one of the scariest moments in your life? " "what is something you've done that you hope has had a positive impact on other people? " "what is your biggest insecurity?" "When was a time God told you to do something and you didn't do it?" "What is one of the hardest things you've ever had to emotionally deal with?" and the list goes on...

They were questions that weren't exactly the most comfortable to ask or answer, but yet we were able to make ourselves vulnerable to each other. It is one of those lessons that I feel I am taught over and over again. Maybe I should start paying attention?

I all to often hide parts of my life. Some parts that just seem embarrassing, some I'm ashamed of, some that I think will cause others to look at me differently, and some that I believe if I said them out loud would just make them a bit too much of a reality. My struggles, fears, insecurities, and overall imperfections being put on display just seems a bit ridiculous.

I don't think people see me as perfect by any means so don't get me wrong... (just want to clarify that)

I always seem to find my way back to Luke 10:38-42 when I find myself learning this lesson over and over again. (I have been taught an excessive amount of lessons from this passage but this is just one of them.) God's word is alive and well after all...

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Luke 10:38-42

Mary and Martha Worship and Serve

³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”
⁴¹ And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

________________

So you have Martha stressed out and running around trying to do all things she thought needed to be done to properly serve Jesus and those who were with Him. I'm sure shes trying to gather supplies to make their stay more comfortable, she probably trying to prepare some kind of meal and I'm sure she's trying to clean up any messes that just happen to be lying around.

I can see myself reflected just a little to clearly in that scenerio. I can see myself in the midst of God Himself and the people He loves and my concern is running around trying to sweep my mess of a life under a rug, shove all of my uneccary "trash and junk" into the deepest darkest closets of my heart, and then add to it by trying to do a bunch of "the right thing" preparing to serve up my best to cover up my worst!

Thankfully the story doesn't end there though.

Finally after exhausting herself with everything Martha becomes frustrated with how everything is turning out. It's not nearly how she had it pictured!
And guess what? She does what is necessary to get things right!

“Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”


Feeling like even God Himself doesn't care about what's going on... she approaches Him.
(and lets not forget the fact that there were probably other people there too!)

³⁸ Now it happened as THEY went that He entered a certain village;

Martha, in all her frustration takes her problems to Jesus.
(I can almost hear her heart...) 


      God, I'm tired... my house isn't perfect, I don't feel like I have everything to serve you properly, INCLUDING HELP! My family has me frustrated because even my own sister won't help me! I feel like I'm on my own, and no one understands...  GOD DO YOU EVEN CARE?!?

He could have easily said "Of course I care! I love you!" and simply left it at that... Instead He replied with what she needed, and not just what she wanted

⁴¹ And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

He brought to light (in front of everyone) that her focus wasn't where it needed to be. He could have easily taken her aside and explained to her the problems she needed to rid her life of, why make a scene in front of everyone? I'll just let this speak for itself...


Galatians 6:1-2
1Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

We were never meant to handle everything on our own. God put people in our lives to keep us accountable. To tell us when there is something we need to change and to help us change it. Like I said... this is one of those lessons I keep continuously learning and I'm thankful to be reminded of it once again.

Forever His,
-Sara

Thoughts. Words. Stuff.

Well, looks like I'm going to start trying to keep up with a blog. On top of everything else I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to manage it... but it should be fun never the less. I'm sure this will be a conglomeration of things... from life lessons, to poetry, to general random word vomit.
We'll just have to wait and see.

Forever His,
-Sara